Archive for the ‘not HIM’ Category

Raw Charge throws some free agent lighting bolts our way

July 1, 2009

Raw Charge is a great Tampa Bay lightning blog under the Sports Blog Nation umbrella. We hope you enjoy the thoughts of Cassie and John. Thanks you two!

1. Which player, for the love of God, do you NOT want to see in your team’s sweater in the 09-10 season?

Cassie: Chris Chelios. I like the guy – I really do – but he deserves so much better than what Tampa Bay can give him. Especially with ownership squabbles and money woes going on. Out of respect for a legendary player, please don’t sign Chelios! For his own sake, don’t even talk to him or his agent! Let him retire a Blackhawk – just like he should.

John: Chelios but for different reasons. Chris is one of those “traditional” players who thinks he is protecting the sancity of the game when he undermines hockey and it’s fans in the south. I respect what he’s accomplished in his career but he has publicly stated how much he hates the fact hockey went to regions “where it doesn’t belong”. That said, if he were chased or signed by Tampa, he’d be selling-out ideals as well as obviously desperate to stick around. No thanks.

2. Conversely, pick a potential move by another team that would just crush your soul/favorite team’s chances.

Cassie: The obvious – trading away Vinny Lecavalier. He is the franchise; he is the Tampa Bay Lightning. But they can’t keep him. The team’s been pretty clear about their financial situation. So it’s a damned if they do, and damned if they don’t. Keeping him means cutting salary elsewhere. Trading him means getting rid of 10 years of franchise history. Not to mention a goodly number of fans. Nothing good can come of this situation.

John: What Cassie says is true, but what I fear (with all the rumors swirling around about money) is a fire sale. I can see it now: Malone to… somewhere for a bag of pucks; St. Louis dealt to the Rangers for tickets to Elton John performing at Madison Square Garden (nosebleed seats, ugh!); Jeff Halpern traded to the Kings for gift certificates to California Pizza Kitchen… And Vinny to the Habs in return for Poutine and a condiment-to-be-named-later… That would kill me and the fan base in TB.

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Anaheim Calling talks about the one ex-Duck they don’t want to see in Detroit, Anaheim free agency in general

July 1, 2009

Make sure to follow Daniel and Arthur’s great Ducks blog, Anaheim Calling for all your flying-V/knuckle pucking/formerly dirty elbowing needs. (Sorry, that was generic, but I’m sleepy. Anaheim Calling really is awesome.)

1. Which player, for the love of God, do you NOT want to see in your team’s sweater in the 09-10 season?

DANIEL:

The player I’d hate to see in my sweater has to be Jeremy Roenick. I’ve disliked him since he insulted the Ducks organization during the 1997 Playoff series between the Ducks and Coyotes (which we won). How does it feel not having your name on the Cup, Roenick? You’re entirely too cocky for a guy who’s never won a championship, and I’d never want you on a team that I root for.

“Tsst!”

ARTHUR:

Dear Murph,

This offseason, please don’t sign anyone born before November 10, 1970. I realize that you’re an old Blackhawk and Chelios is an old Blackhawk and Roenick is an old Blackhawk, and you occasionally want to walk into the locker room and reminisce about that one time that Darren Pang puked on Steve Larmer’s skates. I realize how attractive that is for you. I also realize that there’s some kind of Blackhawks AARP underground, and Doug Wilson probably just called you to remind you it’s your turn. To that, all I can say is TSST!

What’s that? Bill Guerin? TSST! His birthday’s on the 9th. Saku Koivu? Good Murph. Good boy. Now, I can show you affection and stop being do-minant.

2. Conversely, pick a potential move by another team that would just crush your soul/favorite team’s chances.

ARTHUR:

If you’ve never seen a conniption, come and find me when Francois Beauchemin signs with another team. The man can turn a playoff series around, whether it’s by throwing the big hits, scoring a goal, tricking Iginla into thinking he’s right-handed or breaking Tomas Kopecky’s face.

It kills our chances if he signs with Dallas. That team already has our number, and they’d be adding a guy interested in reminding us, game after game, why it’s important to negotiate with your injured players.

DANIEL:

The free agent signing that would crush my soul is easy: Pahlsson to Detroit. If Arthur and I were blogging during the 2006-07 season, I can guarantee we would have done a post called: “The Top 10 Reasons Pahlsson Deserves The Selke.” I like Pahlsson, and I’ve always thought he was underrated, both as a defensive player and a scorer. Conversely, I hate Detroit. I mean, I HATE Detroit. They’ve ended the Ducks’ Playoff run on 3 occasions, and I feel that, despite everything that gets said about Anaheim and L.A., Detroit is the closest thing we have to a true rival. Losing a player like Pahlsson, who is in my eyes the quintessential Duck, to our rival in Detroit would cause me physical anguish comparable to crucifixion.

Five for Smiting threatens Murray with goat urine, er, shares Senators related free agency fears

July 1, 2009

We first introduced ourselves to Senators Lost Cojones aka the founder of Five for Smiting a week ago with our draft special and are happy to have ’em back for a second contribution in as many weeks. Make sure to follow this funny, insightful Ottawa blog even if Dany Heatley won’t waive his No Trade C(ause he’s a jerk clause).

1. Which player, for the love of God, do you NOT want to see in your team’s sweater in the 09-10 season?

Marian Gaborik. If Alexei Yashin and Drew Rosenhaus ever conceived a bastard love child, that’s what it would look like. I’m sorry to have to be the one to break this to Bryan Murray, but our quota of butter soft, injury prone, over rated Euro trash has been filled, thank you very much. His baffling, nauseating…Nay! Infuriating!!…contract extension to Filip Kuba made sure of that. If Gaborik somehow slithers his way into the Senators line up, I swear by all that is good and right in this world, I will soak my most prized possession (vintage 1993, #13 Jamie Baker jersey) in the urine of a thousand goats and burn it on The Bryan’s desk. GOATS BRYAN!! YA HEARD ME!! Honest to God GOATS!!

2. Conversely, pick a potential move by another team that would just crush your soul/favorite team’s chances.

The Maple Leafs somehow pulling Jay Bouwmeester out of Darryl Sutter’s ass. I’ll let them have the Sedins. After all, that poor, misguided, delusional and obviously drunk diaspora known as Leaf Nation hasn’t had an overpaid forward to hail as the second coming of Darryl Sittler and then spend the next six months bitching about since the Antropov trade. But J-Bo… I’m not at all comfortable with the possibility of Laugh fans finally discovering what Real NHL Talent looks like. They may develop a taste for it.

Then again, once Larry Tanenbaum and his Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment hench-yokels discover how deeply Real NHL Talent will cut into their profit margin, I’m sure they’ll nix any deal Burke can make, lest he anger his pension fund gods. Then he’ll double season ticket prices to appease them…and just because he can.

Denson from Bangin Panger takes a look at free agency for the defending Stanley Cup champs

July 1, 2009

You can check out Denson’s fine work at Bangin Panger as well as his Pens-related blog, “Pens are Mightier.”

Which player, for the love of God, do you NOT want to see in your team’s sweater in the 09-10 season?

Pretty sure this one goes without saying for most Pens fans…but for f’s sake do not, under any circumstance, bring back Miroslav…Shitan…heyooo. Such a useless piece of shit. Scored a couple big goals in the Carolina series this post season, but that doesn’t excuse his awfulness the rest of the season. Give him credit for how he handled the minors situation and for getting a “second” chance…but he doesn’t mesh with the rest of the players in the locker room, he’s lazy, and he’s every other stereotypical thing anyone has ever said about him…just plain poop. Let him go to the NEW New York Islanders…the city where players go to let their careers die…Atlanta.

Conversely, pick a potential move by another team that would just crush your soul/favorite team’s chances

I’m not sure my soul could be crushed more than it was last year when Hossa went running for the hills to play for the eventual 2009 Stanley Cup Champions (snarrkkkk) but I’ll try to offer something. Not that enough hasn’t already happened to make me think Atlantic Division hockey is going to be awesome next season (Pronger and Tavares) but now the talk that the Rangers could offer the farm for Danny Heatley has me ready to throw up. I already hate the prick enough as it is, no need to see him even more often in the regular season. It’s going to be a tough task for the Pens to repeat next year, as Philly has already drastically improved on defense and caused me to have nightmares of Crosby being concussed 40987543987435 times next season…but if, God forbid, the Rangers land Heatley then the Atlantic Division could turn into a 4-way race.

Five Hole Fanatics/Matchsticks & Gasolines’ Kent shares (pre-Bouwmeester signing) Flames FA thoughts

July 1, 2009
H/T to Vance from Bangin Panger for another great PhotoShop

Please keep in mind Kent sent me this post before it was announced that Jay Boumweester signed a big contract with the Calgary Flames. Congrats to Kent and Calgary fans for that; good luck to Sutter as he tries to make some kind of sense of the team’s cap situation.

Anyway, as always, we thank Kent for his considerable loyalty and generosity to CLS. Make sure to follow both Five Hole Fanatics (for the number cruncher in you) and Matchsticks & Gasoline (for the Flames information). Thanks, Kent!

1.) Which player, for the love of God, do you NOT want to see in your team’s sweater in the 09-10 season?

Todd Bertuzzi. And it’s not because he’s a violent criminal (this time). It’s because he’s an ineffective hockey player. His stats line may look alright from last year, but he was, for very long stretches, the worst player in the Flames top 9 forwards. Lazy and penalty-prone, Bertuzzi also favored the excessively fancy play to the right one. I dubbed him “sore thumb” for the manner in which he stuck out during amongst the Flames top 6 forwards. His inappropriate use of back-hand passes became a punchline in Flame circles. He’s big, but he plays like a man who’s had numerous back surgeries. He’s also injury prone. His offensive totals from this past season are almost totally based on Keenan feeding him lots of ice time and good line mates.

If the Flames re-sign Bertuzzi, I may have to turn in my fan card.

2.) Conversely, pick a potential move by another team that would just crush your soul/favorite team’s chances.

I would hate to see Marian Hossa land in Edmonton or Vancouver. He’s easily one of the best two-way forwards in the league and he instantly makes any team he’s on better.

Storming the Crease decides who should NOT team up with Ovie

July 1, 2009

Rob from Storming the Crease has been a long-time contributor to Cycle like the Sedins, providing us with deep, interesting takes on the Washington Capitals. He’s been one of the busier bloggers during free agent time, writing three fantastic posts on Caps UFAs today alone. Make sure to follow his Caps-related pursuits.

They should be an interesting team to watch for the next decade (or however long Alex Ovechkin‘s contract is).

Raise your hands if you were the only guy in DC with a lower approval rating than George W.

1. Which player, for the love of God, do you NOT want to see in your team’s sweater in the 09-10 season?

Michael Nylander. The problem is that Nyls is signed for another two years and has a contract that epitomizes dead weight. GMGM has tried everything to get rid of this guy, who right now is a $5.5 million scratch (at least for the playoffs). Granted, there’s still a little more than three months until the season starts, but Nylander stands out more than just about anybody.

(If you get the sense that I pick on Nylander at every opportunity, you’re right. But he’s really dead weight at this point. Seriously, I’d rather have an AHL player on the team than this guy. The Caps should have let him be Edmonton’s problem when they had the chance.)

2. Conversely, pick a potential move by another team that would just crush your soul/favorite team’s chances.

It would be AWESOME if the New York Rangers and/or Philadelphia Flyers continued their free-spending ways. Oh wait, that happened already with the Flyers totally overpaying for an aging Chris Pronger. GM George McPhee thankfully wasn’t baited into another bad deal (see Jagr, Jaromir) and passed on trading for a good player, albeit one who is past his prime.

Moves Burke should avoid on Wednesday, according to Pension Plan Puppets

June 30, 2009

Please note: Just wanted to inform anyone who hasn’t heard yet that the Rangers somehow hypnotized Bob Gainey into taking Scott Gomez’s horrific contract off the books.

Pension Plan Puppets is truly one of the great Toronto Maple Leafs blogs. Check out their work as they sport more blogging talent (by far) than the Leafs provide hockey talent. Also, they did a podcast with our buddies at Hockee Night that you should check out as well.

1. Which player, for the love of God, do you NOT want to see in your team’s sweater in the 09-10 season?

There has only really been one player on the Leafs that made me physically ill to have to watch play, Bryan Marchment, and this summer the Leafs have been linked with TWO of them: Chris Neil and Mike Komisarek.

The former is best known in league circles for being really tough as long as linesmen are within arm’s reach. Before some whiny senators fan mentions his fight against Luke Schenn we’ll see how things go when it’s not the rookie’s first fight and the stupid stretchy jersey sleeve didn’t catch on his arm. Not that Neil will chance it.

Komisarek is overrated as a defensive defenceman, he almost matches Neil for cowardice, and hits late every.single.time. Plus he still has the stink of the Habs on him and any aura that he might have had has been completely dashed by repeated decimations at the hands of Milan Lucic. The cheap crosscheck that should have resulted in at least a 10 game suspension just showed how yellow he is.

2. Conversely, pick a potential move by another team that would just crush your soul/favorite team’s chances.

I don’t really hate too many teams that much since the Leafs haven’t been to the playoffs in a while. Anything the Habs and senators do will likely just elicit a laugh as one has no cap space to address their needs and the other can’t even attract players with truck loads of cash.

Having said that, if the Canucks sign the Sedins (which should put Gillis on the road to getting canned if he doesn’t) AND a defenceman that can make a pass further than five feet then I’ll be pissed. Luongo struggled but he’ll bounce back and if they have a defenceman that doesn’t clam up when they see a forechecker that might alleviate a lot of pressure on the backend.

Kontos and Kelly share LA Kings free agent perspective

June 30, 2009
An x-ray of Marian Gaborik‘s groin

First, we have our own contributor/founder of The Royal Half Chris Kontos on the Kings:

1. Which player, for the love of God, do you NOT want to see in your team’s sweater in the 09-10 season?

Gaborik. Just say no, Dean Lombardi. Even to a 1 year contract. I’ve lived through Jason Allison… I’ve lived through Ziggy Palffy… I’ve lived through Pavol Demitra. There is no way in hell I want to have another highly skilled offensive player come to the Kings, get excited about the offense he is creating and then watch said player’s body fall apart like peanut brittle. Although Gaborik does have some sick stats… when he is playing (on a mainly defensive-minded team.)

(Note: the columns are for: season – GP – Goals – Assists – Points – and plus minus)


2005–06 65 38 28 66 64 +6
2006–07 48 30 27 57 40 +12
2007–08 77 42 41 83 63 +17
2008–09 17 13 10 23 2 +3

Signing Gaborik would show that the Kings have yet to really make that big step forward. It would mean that they missed out on the Hossa sweepstakes and continue the struggle of bringing high level free agents to Los Angeles (like going from Drury and Chara to….. Tom Preissing?)

2. Conversely, pick a potential move by another team that would just crush your soul/favorite team’s chances.

If Dany Heatley or Vinny Lecavalier end up on some combination of the Ducks, Sharks, Stars or Coyotes. Especially Heatley… I know that Lombardi has concerns about his attitude and that this trade is probably as dead as your pick of McMahon, Fawcett or Jackson… but man, Heatley, Kopitar and Williams would be a great line.

***

And now, the infamous Rudy Kelly of Battle of California:

1. Which player, for the love of God, do you NOT want to see in your team’s sweater in the 09-10 season?

Ryan Smyth. He’s a potential for movement since the Avalanche are going to be about as competitive as James O’Brien at the Playboy Mansion but I despise him with every fabric of my being. I hate him. I’d rather see my own birth from the doctor’s perspective than have Ryan Smyth in a Kings’ jersey. Also, I don’t particularly like Mike Cammalleri and wouldn’t want to be the idiot team that pays him $6 million dollars to shoot from his knees.

2. Conversely, pick a potential move by another team that would just crush your soul/favorite team’s chances.

If the Ducks get Sammy Pahlsson back I will be crushed. Earl will never shut the fuck up about how great he is and how much he loves the guy. I just want him to fall in love with someone closer, someone who would never leave him: me. WIth Pahlsson gone I can finally make my move, especially now that I have girl-approved hair. I’m cosmopolitan!

And I guess in a way the Kings are my nemesis since they hold sway over my heart, so I’ll just say that they’re not going to get anyone and Lombardi is going to half-ass some remark about boxes and I will be suicidal before talking myself into the Kings going to the playoffs on the backs of Oscar Moller and Ted Purcell. *Sigh

Vance from Bangin Panger wants at least one Sedin to cycle in Buffalo

June 30, 2009

Every contribution is special and snowflake-like, but it always brightens our day when someone takes the time to throw in a Photoshop for good measure. Our buddy Vance did just that.

We have his partner in crime Denson from Bangin Panger providing some Penguins thoughts later today. You can also check out Vance’s other Buffalo Sabres-related views at his new Sabres blog, Double Edged Sabres.

1. Which player, for the love of God, do you NOT want to see in your team’s sweater in the 09-10 season?

Daniel Sedin, but I want Henrik. But is Henrik Henrik without Daniel? If separating Henrik from Daniel makes Henrik turn into [insert overpaid pivot here] than can Buffalo not only afford (of course they can’t) but be willing to cope with such an unmitigated disaster? We’ve already got our soft LW in Vanek, we don’t need Daniel. Oh but Henrik, how I covet thee. If you rode into town on an iconic American Bison, Sabre held high, oh the joy it would bring.

Click to enlarge. No, seriously, you should.

Daniel? Sorry, only one ginger allowed. (Editor’s Note: this is generally a good policy.)

2. Conversely, pick a potential move by another team that would just crush your soul/favorite team’s chances.

Anybody worth anything signing with the Penguins. Don’t you realize you still have to live in Pittsburgh? Sheesh. Pissin’ me off.

But in reality, I absolutely hope Bryan Murray gets fleeced by the team that eventually takes Heatley off their hands. Even if Spezza is the Sabre killer, Heatley needs out of our division, for Wyshynksi’s book, driving lessons, and 17 dollars.

Litter Box Cats dictates which free agents would be odorous

June 30, 2009
Pictured: Tomas Vokoun with David Booth (right)

You may know Whale4Ever as the recently crowned blogging Calder trophy winner. While Florida Panthers fans may be bummed that Jay Bouwmeester is on his way out, we asked Litter Box Cats which moves the Panthers should avoid.

Make sure you check out Litter Box Cats in all their Panther-tastic glory.

1. Which player, for the love of God, do you NOT want to see in your team’s sweater in the 09-10 season?

Marian Gaborik, given his injury history. He’ll continue to make waaaay too many bones for the potential return on the investment. Martin Havlat can be lumped in here as well. The Panthers don’t need any more “projects” (Nathan Horton? Rusty Olesz?). Gabby was rumored to be coming to Sunrise last fall; fans were thankful it didn’t come to pass. He may never miss another minute of action for the rest of his career, but who’s got faith in that balsa-wood groin? If you’ve just got to sign him, it had better be for pennies on the dollars he’s used to making.

2. Conversely, pick a potential move by another team that would just crush your soul/favorite team’s chances.

Tampa Bay dealing Vinny Lecavalier, thereby re-stocking their cupboard and turning around overnight. We’re not in Quebec-trading-Lindros territory, but awfully close. Then again, it’s the Lightning. Sadly for their fans, they’ll engineer a way – by committee – to screw it up.