Archive for the ‘Rudy Kelly’ Category

Kontos and Kelly share LA Kings free agent perspective

June 30, 2009
An x-ray of Marian Gaborik‘s groin

First, we have our own contributor/founder of The Royal Half Chris Kontos on the Kings:

1. Which player, for the love of God, do you NOT want to see in your team’s sweater in the 09-10 season?

Gaborik. Just say no, Dean Lombardi. Even to a 1 year contract. I’ve lived through Jason Allison… I’ve lived through Ziggy Palffy… I’ve lived through Pavol Demitra. There is no way in hell I want to have another highly skilled offensive player come to the Kings, get excited about the offense he is creating and then watch said player’s body fall apart like peanut brittle. Although Gaborik does have some sick stats… when he is playing (on a mainly defensive-minded team.)

(Note: the columns are for: season – GP – Goals – Assists – Points – and plus minus)


2005–06 65 38 28 66 64 +6
2006–07 48 30 27 57 40 +12
2007–08 77 42 41 83 63 +17
2008–09 17 13 10 23 2 +3

Signing Gaborik would show that the Kings have yet to really make that big step forward. It would mean that they missed out on the Hossa sweepstakes and continue the struggle of bringing high level free agents to Los Angeles (like going from Drury and Chara to….. Tom Preissing?)

2. Conversely, pick a potential move by another team that would just crush your soul/favorite team’s chances.

If Dany Heatley or Vinny Lecavalier end up on some combination of the Ducks, Sharks, Stars or Coyotes. Especially Heatley… I know that Lombardi has concerns about his attitude and that this trade is probably as dead as your pick of McMahon, Fawcett or Jackson… but man, Heatley, Kopitar and Williams would be a great line.

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And now, the infamous Rudy Kelly of Battle of California:

1. Which player, for the love of God, do you NOT want to see in your team’s sweater in the 09-10 season?

Ryan Smyth. He’s a potential for movement since the Avalanche are going to be about as competitive as James O’Brien at the Playboy Mansion but I despise him with every fabric of my being. I hate him. I’d rather see my own birth from the doctor’s perspective than have Ryan Smyth in a Kings’ jersey. Also, I don’t particularly like Mike Cammalleri and wouldn’t want to be the idiot team that pays him $6 million dollars to shoot from his knees.

2. Conversely, pick a potential move by another team that would just crush your soul/favorite team’s chances.

If the Ducks get Sammy Pahlsson back I will be crushed. Earl will never shut the fuck up about how great he is and how much he loves the guy. I just want him to fall in love with someone closer, someone who would never leave him: me. WIth Pahlsson gone I can finally make my move, especially now that I have girl-approved hair. I’m cosmopolitan!

And I guess in a way the Kings are my nemesis since they hold sway over my heart, so I’ll just say that they’re not going to get anyone and Lombardi is going to half-ass some remark about boxes and I will be suicidal before talking myself into the Kings going to the playoffs on the backs of Oscar Moller and Ted Purcell. *Sigh

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Rudy Kelly shares his LA Kings’ entry draft thoughts

June 19, 2009

If you don’t know Rudy Kelly or the Battle of California crew by now, I’d be damn astounded. Aside from a few side projects here and there, BoC is where I started blogging (and still do, albeit sporadically) and the Rudy/Earl Sleek combination is what makes it such a force of hockey blogging nature.

Sleek provides statistical analysis, healthy snark and adorable cartoons while Kelly showcases his deep knowledge of the Kings and all the acidic, acerbic wit that comes from following a team that hasn’t managed a Cup victory in its 40+ years of existence.

Over the years he’s made some of the darkest, most brilliant jokes you’ll find anywhere in the sports blogosphere. Although, I must be honest: I enjoy it just as much when he writes lighthearted stuff comparing hockey players to dogs. (Seriously though, read that post. It’s gold.)

Either way, make sure to follow Rudy’s stuff at BoC. Like you haven’t already, you silly geese.

1. If the Kings hold onto the pick, who would you expect and/or prefer the Kings to select? Why?

RUDY: I expect the Kings will take Brayden Schenn because Dean Lombardi loves Western Canadian boys and hates Europeans that aren’t from weird places like Germany. Schenn is a good kid and would set the Kings’ center position up for the next 10 years. I personally like Svensson-Paajarvi, but I also like sniffing glue so you shouldn’t listen to me.

2. Obviously you’ve heard the rumors of the Kings packaging their first round pick with Jack Johnson for Chris Pronger. Going beyond the credibility of the report, how would you feel about such a move? How much would Pronger change the Kings goals and ceiling as a team?

RUDY: I personally feel that trading the 5th overall for an elite player is a good move for the Kings. They have about a 3-year window opening up where they can compete for a Cup and a player like Pronger or Lecavalier or Heatley would definitely help. I don’t think Pronger for the 5th overall AND Johnson is a good idea, though.

3. Looking back, describe some of your favorite Kings drafting memories. What are some of the team’s biggest steals/franchise altering moments?

RUDY: Lubo is one of my favorite draft picks, although getting Kimmo Timonen in the 10th round in ’93 was pretty good. Imagine having both of those guys on your blue line? And, of course, Luc.

4. On the other side, take us through some of the less pleasant moments in their drafting history. Which moves/overlooked players make Kings fans kick themselves?

RUDY: Aki Berg, Josh Green, Olli Jokinen, Mathieu Biron (not Martin), Andrei Shefer, Alex Frolov, Jens Karlson, Denis Grebeshkov, Dustin Brown, Lauri Tukonen. From 1995-2004, the Kings drafted pretty terribly. Berg ended up being an NHL regular (albeit a bad one), Jokinen was traded for Ziggy Palffy, Grebeshkov is meh, Frolov and Brown ended up alright, but everyone else sucks. Also, the Kings once drafted Tom Glavine once, so yeah.

5. Take this opportunity to get on a soapbox. Feel free to share your thoughts on the upcoming draft, off-season or whatever else that’s going on in the NHL.

RUDY: The Kings will make some sort of move this off-season. They have too many assets and too many opportunities to do nothing. There’s trades (Vinny, Danny, uh Illy-y), free agents (Marian, Marian, or someone with a boy’s name) or draft picks (Brayden, Evander or MAGNUS). The Kings will be much better in some way next year. I love the off-season

Rudy Kelly’s sweet, sweet hate

May 2, 2009

Rudy Kelly breaks down everything (and everyone and every reason) to hate about Sidney Crosby, Alex Ovechkin, Evgeni Malkin and more in the Capitals-Penguins series. Click on the beefcake photo (or right here) to read it. Here’s a couple highlights:

Hate Marc-Andre Fleury… because his name is Marc-Andre Fleury. Don’t you have a joust to get to or some peasants to beat, you landed fuck?

Hate Sergei Fedorov… because he has boned Anna Kournikova and now he looks like he has AIDS or tuberculosis.

Hate Jordan Staal… because people are lazy and say, “Crosby, Malkin and Staal” when it should be, “Crosby, Malkin… and then that one weird albino with the pinhead.” Also, hate him because Penguins fans refuse to admit they made a mistake drafting him instead of Jonathan Toews or Phil Kessel because he plays defense, which is like saying, “Yeah, I’m glad I went blind because now I have a good sense of touch.” Wait, it’s not like that at all. Moving on…

Rudy on Pens-Flyers Game 2

April 18, 2009

Good stuff from Rudy Kelly on last night’s exciting Pens-Flyers OT game. Rudy discusses the possibility that the Flyers may, in fact, be the better 5-on-5 team … and how that might be rendered irrelevant if they keep taking bad penalties.

Penguins-Flyers Blog