Fanhouse gets a re-design

Interesting day in the blogosphere. Noticed today that NHL Fanhouse got a face lift. It’s probably shallow to say that this happened because of the Puck the Media article, but regardless it’s great to see that a big member of the blogo-verse might return to power.

Do NOT fuck with Mirtle

I don’t have much to add to that situation, but felt obliged to pass along Mirtle’s utter destruction of “The Masked Avenger.” Wow.

All-Decade Team: Loudmouths

The plan was to go down the list from serious to silly, but on the heels of The Hockey News calling Jeremy Roenick the best interview in the NHL it seems totally natural to take a peek into the biggest loudmouths of the ’00s. The center post seemed fairly comprehensive, but this is definitely a topic that needs reader input.

Which guys are the direct opposite of “Quoteless Joe” – for better or for worse?

Jeremy Roenick
Quite possibly the most outspoken player in the NHL, Roenick is more than just a provocateur since he can back up his verbosity with hard hits and game winning goals. Roenick’s checking and yapping got him into some binds over the years. It seems oddly poetic that when Derian Hatcher extracted revenge from JR, Roenick’s jaw was broken in the process. The good money is that a broken jaw still didn’t stop him from talking.

Honestly, from listening to one game with JR as a color commentator, he ended up being suprisingly bland. Everyone seems to peg him for a career in the booth (and one game is not a great litmus test for someone who will call more than 82 games) but it does make you wonder if he’s going to be like Joe Namath. Namath seemed like a natural choice but ended up being far less flamboyant with a headset than a helmet.

Brett Hull
Surely not the only hot air that has exited Hull’s mouth

The Golden Brett avoided taboos about as often as he passed up shots. It only make sense that the irreverent son of Bobby Hull would go on to be named “The Ambassador of Fun.” Considering the meek showings by Brad Richards and the implosion of Sean Avery, many Stars fans wish he remained fun ambassador.

Sean Avery
Hull ended up dropping a bloated contract into the lap of the most hated man in hockey, Sean Avery. His “sloppy seconds” line might be in the lead of his obituary some day, but keep in mind that there was a top 10 countdown of Avery’s antics before he publicly disparaged the likes of Elisha Cuthbert. (Whatever he said to Darcy Tucker, we can safely assume it was morally questionable … at best.)

John Tortorella
If Coor’s Light would run those lame clips of coach’s press conferences for the NHL instead of the NFL, you can bet the former Tampa Bay Lightning coach would be a favorite. With his “75 percent rule” for goalies and hotheaded interviews with the press, hockey fans couldn’t be blamed for rooting for a Lightning loss just to see him flip his lid.

If this joke ends up becoming a reality, I’ll be more ashamed than the guy who wrote the lyrics to “Cherry Pie.”

Don Cherry
Unsubstantied rumor: Cherry’s tailor is Satan.
The only thing louder than Canadian icon Cherry’s suits is his voice. Avery made the point of saying Cherry knows very little about hockey, but one of the Rules of the Universe is that those who know the least say the most at the highest volume. Cherry abides by that rule, while dressing ridiculously and insulting French-Canadians. (Hey, at least that’s one thing Avery and Cherry can agree upon)

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Those are the notable loudmouths in my mind, but there’s a good chance a deserving candidate went unrepresented. Leave your choice(s) in the comments.

All-Decade Team: Worthy Centers

As we consider how the All-Decade Team will be determined, let’s get started on considering candidates for each position. For each player listed, there will be relevant stats and awards with a dash of opinion thrown in. It’s important to not try to sway opinions too much but we still need to have a little fun with this.

See a glaring absence? State a case for that player in the comments.

Joe Sakic

Stats from ’99-’00 to current: (656 points from 250 goals and 406 assists in the REG; 94 points from 41 goals and 53 assists in the playoffs)

Awards from that period: Hart Trophy (2001); Pearson Trophy (2001); First-team All Star (2001, 2002 and 2004); five All-Star appearances

The amazing thing (actually, one of the many amazing things) about Sakic is that he scored almost 1,000 points before the time frame of consideration. As difficult as it may be, try to consider Sakic’s most recent decade of work instead of his entire career.

Besides, Sakic still brought a level of grace (a “quote-less” grace) to the game that is rare for even a hockey player. Most people will remember Sakic for his wicked wrister, but he was also a very good playmaker to boot. An absolute clutch performer, Sakic is one of the best centers of his era.

Joe Thornton

Stats from that period: (760 points from 232 goals and 528 assists in REG; 48 points from 11 goals and 37 assists in the playoffs)

Awards: Hart trophy (’06); Art Ross (’06); First Team All-Star (’06); 5 All-Star teams

One of the leading point producers of the decade, the common knock on Joe Thornton remains his playoff output. Many would counter that Thornton’s post-season play is quite good since coming to San Jose (30 points in 35 playoff games).

Regardless of playoff critiques, Thornton is one of the NHL’s most consistently dominant players. His combination of size and playmaking are a nightmare for defenses. With a career average of 2.14 shots per game, it’s usually pretty obvious what Thornton is going to do on offense.

But like a pick & roll between Karl Malone and John Stockton, knowing what Thornton is going to do and stopping that act are two enormously different things.

Vincent Lecavalier

Stats: (612 points from 277 goals and 335 assists in REG; 33 points from 18 goals and 15 assists in playoffs)

Awards: Richard trophy (’07); three All-Star games

It took awhile for Lecavalier to become a star caliber player and that whole “Michael Jordan of hockey” thing probably will not come true. Still, the 6’4″ Lecavalier is the prototypical franchise center. He has great size, skates well, can make plays and is terrifying on a breakaway.

How much does playing on a Tampa Bay that – excluding their Stanley Cup run and a season or two around that time – is middling at best and awful at worst affect Lecavalier’s numbers?

Mats Sundin

Stats: (608 points from 260 goals and 348 assists in REG; 41 points from 16 goals and 25 assists in playoffs)

Awards: Four All-Star games

Before the free agent soap opera that eventually took him to Vancouver, Sundin was known as a big, talented Swede and a model of consistency. Even on a Toronto Maple Leafs team that failed to make the playoffs since the 03-04 season, Sundin still managed to record nearly a point per game. And unlike many franchise centers, he rarely had a quality winger to finish the scoring chances he could create.

Peter Forsberg

Stats: (445 points from 121 goals and 334 assists in REG; 92 points from 33 goals and 59 assists in playoffs)

Awards: Hart trophy (’03), Art Ross (’03) First All-Star Team (’03) and two All-Star teams

At this point, we’re entering a quality versus quantity discussion. Even though injuries kept Forsberg from putting up massive overall numbers, he’s only two playoff points behind Sakic and was one of the most captivating playmakers the hockey world has ever seen.

He also was like an injury prone Alex Ovechkin in that his game was extremely violent for a player of his star quality. Sadly, that tendency toward ultra-violence probably lead to a fragility that only Mario Lemieux and Bobby Orr can relate to.

Still, when Forsberg was healthy he’s arguably the best forward of the decade. Is that enough to overshadow the fact that he missed so much time?

Guys who are just too young/don’t have enough games under their belt: Sidney Crosby, Pavel Datsyuk, Evgeni Malkin

Honorable mentions: Mike Modano, Marc Savard, Scott Gomez, Brad Richards

For the love of God, hockey blogosphere …

Is it too much to ask that you have your e-mail address on the front page of your blog. It’s like a frickin’ wild goose chase.

The All-Goose Egg Team or The Robert Parrish Decade Squad

Is anyone sort of dumbfounded that it’s already 2009? Seriously, has it been about 10 years since we thought that Y2K would destroy the internet and everyone would eat soup for three months? Crazy.

Even though there’s two-half seasons left before 2010 hits, I thought it would be fun to get a head start by beginning the process of determining who would be on an All-Decade team. To still keep it somewhat resembling a decade, we’ll start from the 1999-2000 season up to today (January 13). Since it would be greedy to leave the voting to me, I will look to the masses for support, opinions and votes. In fact, the first poll is of considerable importance (vote below).

Don’t hold me to this, but the plan is to have a post per category.

All-Decade Center

Two All-Decade Wingers (because these guys tend to switch around)

Two All-Decade Defensemen

All-Decade Goalie

and maybe some fun categories:

All-Decade Loudmouth

All-Decade Goat

All-Decade Pugilist

Any other categories you’d like to see?

How should the CLS All-Decade team be determined
( polls)

Hockey Orphan: Boston Bruins

Chara = unmitigated beast

(Definitely make sure to read the Hockey Orphan by Evan from Stanley Cup of Chowder first. My take is meant to be the fattening dessert after Evan’s main course.)

Evan covered the key pluses and minuses that come with being a Boston Bruins fan but there’s a few other things to think about when considering the Killer Bees.

Zdeno Chara, mountain of a man

When talking to my sports-but-not-hockey-fan friends, Chara is one of the guys who achieves mythical status. After all, is there anything more terrifying than a guy who ends up being seven feet tall on skates?

My favorite Chara story came from last summer. During the off-season, it was rumored that Chara wanted to be completely awake during his shoulder surgery to make sure that it was completed properly. Can you imagine being the surgeon in that situation … conducting a challenging, precise surgery while some Slovak monster stares you down?

That’s just so freaking manly. The shoulder surgery story was brought you by The Campaign to Make Mike Milbury Cry.

Phil Kessel
When Kessel came into the NHL, it seemed like he was considered something of a punk (at least by NHL standards). That image changed quickly once the American sniper courageously battled testicular cancer during his rookie season.

If you cannot root for Phil K just go ahead and jump off of a tall parking garage.

Fantasy hockey implications

Definitely cannot say that I saw the Bruins coming. Not to this extent.

But from a fantasy hockey standpoint, players such as Marc Savard, David Krejci and Tim Thomas are helping savvy (or lucky) owners get a leg up on the competition.

Wicked cool jerseys

The Original Six teams have the market cornered on cool jerseys and the Bruins are no exception. Great color scheme, the spoked wheel … it all works so well.

The unmatchable quality of their classic jerseys probably explains why they’ve struggled to come up with a good third jersey. That being said, their solid current third unis definitely look a lot better than those yellow bear monstrosities from the Joe Thornton days.

The Jacobs Factor

Evan touched on this, but the biggest mark against the team is its cheap ownership. Will the Bruins be able to lock up the red hot Kessel before he becomes a popular target for offer sheets? Can the team manage to either keep its two-headed goaltending monster (they are both free agents) or possibly make an upgrade in net?

If Jacobs is willing to pony up the cash, the Bruins could be the class of its division for years to come.

Grade: A-

Promising future, some very likable players (there is not one NHL fan who looks at Milan Lucic without a feeling of envy) and an awesome tradition. If only they mattered more to Boston fans with a slew of successful teams and to their polarizing owner.

There aren’t many teams with a mix of promise and still a hint of pre-bandwagon sneakiness quite like the Bruins.

Hockey Orphan: Evan from Stanley Cup of Chowder on the Boston Bruins

(note: Many thanks to Evan from Stanley Cup of Chowder for his awesome entry below. My glaringly inferior take on the Bruins is coming soon.)

So you’re looking for a hockey team, eh? Like most Boston sports fans, I didn’t have a choice. I was born a Bruins fan. This idea of choosing a team to root for is slightly foreign to me but if I had to choose, the Bruins would be a good option. Like everything, being a B’s fan has its pros and cons.

Things to Love about the B’s

Original 6 History, Tradition, Rivalries
The Bruins have a storied history and tradition, plus rivalries that expansion era teams just can’t provide.

There are still a few seats left on the B’s bandwagon
Sports fan orphans love to root for winners. You didn’t have to suffer through the lean years, but you still get to bask in the reflected glory of “your team’s” success.

The 2-Headed Monster between the Pipes
Tim Thomas and Manny Fernandez are standing on their heads right now. The New England Hockey scene hasn’t seen a goaltending tandem like this since Bob and Walt Tenor.

The future’s so bright you gotta wear shades
The Bruins have several young players that are contributing significantly to the team’s success, plus an AHL team stocked with young talent just waiting for their chance.

Milan Lucic
OK, so maybe he isn’t the second-coming of Cam Neely, but this guy is a one man wrecking crew who plays a high energy, physical brand of hockey that the fans in The Hub love.

Rene Rancourt
Fist pumps all around for man with the golden voice and the tuxedo.

WOOOOO!
Nothing feels better than letting out a Ric Flair-style “wooooo!” to celebrate the go ahead goal for the Black & Gold.

Things to Hate about the B’s

Jeremy Jacobs
Despite owning a team in a town filled with passionate owners, Jacobs chooses to hide out in Buffalo planning the opening of his next racesino in Pigsknuckle, Arkansas. Jacobs has gotten the reputation as an owner who cares about one thing: the all mighty dollar. The Bruins have continued to have one of the highest ticket prices in the NHL. For years, the Bruins put a team on the ice that was good enough to sell tickets, but not good enough to make a serious run at the Stanley Cup. The best thing to happen to Jeremy Jacobs was the NHL salary cap. Now, Jacobs has an excuse not spend money on players. Jacobs realized that he wasn’t the most well-liked guy in Boston and decided to make the local media rounds prior to the start of this season. The only problem was he came off as being even more out of touch with what was going on with the B’s than expected.
First Round Exits
The Bruins have made the playoffs 30 times since they won their last Stanley Cup in ’71-’72 but always seem to underperform in the playoffs.

Get ready for the Pink Hat Invasion
Whenever a team experiences success, everyone wants to be a part of it. I think it is great that the B’s are finally selling out the Garden, but one of the things I love about being a B’s fans is being able to get tickets. I don’t want to see what happened to the Red Sox in the past 5 or 6 years happen to the B’s. I don’t want to have to pay $125 to a ticket broker for balcony seats to see my team play in front of a crowd of clueless housewives in pink hats that think icing is something you put on a cake.

They never get the respect they deserve
Even when the B’s are playing well, they play second fiddle to the Sox, Pats, and C’s.

TD Banknorth Garden does not accept out-of-state IDs
I reside in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts so this isn’t a problem for me but chances are that if you are a hockey orphan, you do not live in Massachusetts. Be warned that if you want to enjoy a couple brews at the B’s game, they will not accept your out-of-state license.

(Again, make sure you check out Stanley Cup of Chowder for all of Evan’s Killer B greatness. Thanks again, Evan.)

Tavares watch: Islanders could rebuild in a hurry (1 of 2)

Not very long ago, I uttered something like this to a buddy of mine: “Man, I hope Tavares doesn’t end up in a hellhole like Long Island.”

However, while researching my Mike Milbury = Matt Millen post, it was hard to ignore Garth Snow’s NHL draft wizardy. Doing the math is a little tricky so here’s a visual aid from Isles info.com’s Islanders’ GM history:

06/20/08: NYI trade 2008 Entry Draft first round pick(fifth overall – D Luke Schenn) to TOR for first round pick in 2008 (seventh overall), TOR’s 3rd round pick in 2008 (68th overall) and TOR’s 2nd round pick in 2009.

06/20/08: NYI trade TOR’s 1st round pick in the 2008 Entry Draft (seventh overall – C Colin Wilson, previously acquired) to NSH for FLA’s 1st round pick in 2008 (ninth overall – C Josh Bailey, previously acquired) and FLA’s 2nd round pick in 2008 (40th overall – D Aaron Ness, previously acquired).

06/21/08: NYI acquire CHI’s third round pick (72nd overall – D Jyri Niemi)and fourth round pick (102nd overall – W David Ullstrom) in 2008 for TOR’s
third round pick in 2008 (68th overall – D Shawn Lalonde, previously acquired).

Impressive. Snow basically moved the Islanders first round pick for Florida’s first and second round picks, Chicago’s third and fourth round picks in 2008 plus Toronto’s 2009 2nd-rounder. As good as Luke Schenn and Colin Wilson could end up, that’s a hell of a leap in the rebuilding process.

Tavares + big name free agent could really accelerate the Islanders rebuilding process (and Tavares + huge cap space could help the Islanders land that big free agent).

So that alone gives the Islanders a light at the end of the tunnel, but now let’s get hypothetical:

Semi-plausible moves that could reignite the Islanders

Step 1: Winning the Tavares lottery

Obviously this is the portion that’s dedicated exclusively to random chance. The Isles are the worst team in the NHL right now and will likely finish with the most lottery balls at the end of the season, but that in no way guarantees that they’ll get the #1 pick.

Getting the second pick wouldn’t be horrible since the only spot locked up long term is #1 goalie thanks to Rick Dipietro‘s life sentence long-term deal. But as tall and talented as that Swede might be, the Islanders need a shot in the arm only Tavares can provide. Badly.

What better way to help the Islanders sell the idea of a new arena than to add the most hyped Canadian since Sidney Crosby?

(Quick aside for those hockey’s futures nuts out there: what is a reasonable estimate for a healthy first season for Tavares? Could his production be Crosby-like, Patrick Kane-like or more like Joe Thornton‘s rough rookie year?)

Step 2: Trade for Kovalchuk or throw the bank at Marian Hossa

Personally, I think Kovalchuk would be a better bet because his talents are “sexier.” Hossa’s a fantastic player, but you get the feeling that Kovalchuk would dazzle New Yorkers deeply. A rare victory for sizzle over steak.

If Atlanta decides to deal Kovalchuk, the Islanders have picks and prospects to spare

With Doug Weight ($4.5 mil), Bill Guerin ($4.3 mil), Mike Comrie ($4 mil) and Mike Sillinger ($2.2 mil) coming off the books this summer, the Islanders could transform their roster from washed-up, overpaid veterans to whatever image the “new” Islanders would seek.

($17 million from four players for non-math majors)

If NHLSCAP figures are correct, their overall cap would be right under $31 million with 8 forwards, 7 defensemen and 1 goaltender under contract (not counting minor leaguers … although you can argue many of their starters belong in the AHL).

In that dream scenario, Tavares would probably have a Stamkos-like cap hit. Let’s say $4 million to be safe. Let’s also assume that the cap goes down to , say, $55 million when factoring in the deadbeat economy.

The Islanders could throw a “horse head in the bed” offer at Marian Hossa or easily absorb the last year of Kovalchuk’s contract. Hell, if you really want to dream big imagine the Islanders somehow landing Kovalchuk – Hossa – Tavares or Kovalchuk – Gaborik – Tavares or something of that nature. Crazier things have happened.

[Note: decided to break this gigantic post up into two parts.]

Hypothetical hope for the Islanders part II

The Sedins bringing their cycling circus act to Coney Island? Could be worse …

Even if the Islanders lose the Tavares lottery, their $20 million-plus cap space and their rapidly improving stable of prospects puts them in a great position to rebuild. How about we rank some of the guys who would best fit the Islanders?

1. Kovalchuk – This is only based on heavy trade rumors. Honestly, the Thrashers shouldn’t trade him (the reason, beyond his bodacious skills, will be revealed sooen enough).

2. Hossa – The common thread of wisdom for Hossa is that he’s the hockey version of a smoking hot bridesmaid. Even if he’s not the type of player who can carry a team on his back, Hossa is the most talented free agent and may go into Show Me the Money mode after taking a one-year Cup run contract.

3/4. The Sedin twins – Why break up the Sedin twins when they are so effective together? The Islanders might be a really nice destination for the efficient dopplegangers. Even if they sign matching $6 million contracts the Islanders could still improve the team around them.

5. Jay Bouwmeester – He’s not flashy (except in video games) but he’s the kind of player who can be a cornerstone. With the big minutes he plays and well rounded game he brings the table, he could be a nice fit for the Islanders.

But they’d probably need to add an offensive stud because Bouwmeester isn’t really a ticket seller.

6. Johan Franzen – The Mule is here and Henrik Zetterberg is not for a simple reason. It’s almost unthinkable that Detroit would allow Zetterberg to walk. Not when they very well might lose Hossa. Not when Franzen, despite his undeniable goal scoring skills, cannot stay on the ice.

Franzen could be a good fit in Long Island if he could stay relatively healthy. Hell, a Franzen + Sedins line would be a hell of a consolation prize if bigger things fall through.

Keep dreaming.

7. Marian Gaborik – Honestly, it feels like the team who signs Gaborik is like a newlywed couple who unwittingly adopts that creepy little girl from “The Ring.” But let’s face it, the Islanders are one of those teams that might need to pay up big just for the PR boost.

Even though it’s a thrill to watch Gabby on a breakaway, his signing would be a Shakespearian tragedy for a team that’s had plenty of helpings of bad luck.

8. Alex Kovalev – There’s a buyer beware to Kovalev. Either his drive does not match his blinding talent or his talent is better suited for stunning Youtube videos. Whatever way you slice it, Kovalev’s not the guy you want with that Ayn Rand-ian weight of the world on his shoulders.

Still, if the Islanders try a quantity over quality approach Kovalev could be an asset.

9. Brian Gionta – It’s hard to say if a guy like Gionta would flounder outside of NJ or if he would flourish without the spoused shackles of the NJ system. Judging from the lackluster post-NJ careers of guys like Scott Gomez, expectations should be “less than or equal to.” Then again, adding Gionta certainly would add a little spice to the Devils – Islanders rivalry (whatever you may think of that rivalry).

10. Erik Cole – Call me an Erik Cole apologist, but I’ve been a fan since the Hurricanes Cup year. Then again, he’s clearly never been the same after that dirty Brooks Orpik hit that almost ended his career. Would he take a pay cut or just stay at $4 million? At a lower price Cole could be quite the pickup but at $4 million you better take him to a damn thorough doctor.

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Tavares-less suggestion: Go hard for Hossa or Kovalchuk or even Zetterberg. If that doesn’t work, settle for the Sedins and a low risk, high reward guy like un-listed, under the radar Michael Cammalleri.